Sex with my girlfriend always ends up in fights – should I leave?
DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend has not been interested in sex for a while.
It’s like we are just friends without the benefits.
On the rare occasions we do have sex, she always complains about something.
Either I am going too slow, or too fast or I climax too quickly or last too long. I can’t win.
I am 30 and my girlfriend is 29. We have been together for two years.
She doesn’t say a thing during sex.
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Her communication with me is non-existent, so I either go too fast and hurt her a bit or go too slow and she doesn’t feel it enough.
We constantly fight after sex and I am at the stage where I am seriously considering leaving the relationship altogether.
I have tried repeatedly to get her to talk to me but she always shuts down when I try.
I just don’t know what to do. I really love her.
READ MORE DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: A good sex life is all about communication. You need to find out where the negativity is coming from and why.
There may be underlying issues she is not prepared to talk about such as being traumatised by previous relationships, past guilt or shame.
Calmly talk to her again and say you want to understand.
Some relationship counselling could help and you can arrange this via tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960).
If she is unwilling, she may not be the right person for you.