I am second best for my married lover, it hurts he will never leave his wife and kids

DEAR DEIDRE: MY married lover refuses to leave his wife and only sees me for a 30-minute quickie each week.

Our affair began a year ago after he’d been chasing me for six months.

We met at work and he soon started flirting.

I told him I didn’t sleep with married men but my refusal just made him work harder.

I enjoyed the feeling of being desired but was determined not to break my morals – until we went out for some work drinks. I’m 32 and he’s 39.

We began talking and I admitted that I’d been feeling lonely since my divorce.

Fuelled by a few large glasses of wine, we ended the night lying together in a hotel room, exhausted after an incredibly energetic sex session.

This blew my mind, and soon we began regularly sleeping with each other.

It didn’t take me long to fall in love with him, but he always insisted I should meet someone else. I didn’t want to be some dirty secret, so I called the affair off and met a great guy.

Things were going well until I told my lover I was dating someone. He admitted he’d fallen in love with me too and was hurt by my “betrayal”.

How can I have betrayed him when I was single and he even encouraged me to find someone else?

Now I’m back with my lover and I only see him for 30 minutes a week.

He’s got a different job, so I don’t even see him at work any more.

He’s refusing to leave his wife because she has had issues with her mental health.

They have four children and he worries she may get depressed again.

I long for a real relationship with passion, and don’t want to feel like

I’m second best any more. We call and text each other all day long, but it just feels like a fake romance now.

I’ll break my own heart if I split up with him, but I’m not sure what to do as he will never choose me over his wife.

DEIDRE SAYS: You have said it yourself, this man will never choose you.

Better to stop imagining how life might look with him because it’s not realistic. You are wasting your time.

He is married with children and won’t leave his partner. This man is only thinking of his own needs, not what is best for you.

Someone who loves you will respect you and commit to a proper relationship.

My support pack Your Lover Not Free is about being in love with a married man.

It will explain the pitfalls of this relationship and help you see this situation more clearly.

Another support pack Ending A Relationship will also help you.