Is my partner using me as her carer?
DEAR DEIDRE: When my partner is depressed - which is most of the time - she has no interest in sex.
It’s making me feel like she only got together with me so I could be her carer.
I’m 38 and she’s 34. We’ve been together for eight years.
I’ve always known that she is prone to anxiety and bad depression.
But it feels like it’s got worse. At the beginning of our relationship, she made an effort and we had great sex.
Now, she’s down more than she’s not, and she never wants to make love.
She won’t even kiss me and barely talks to me.
She’s on medication, which I know doesn’t help.
I love her and know there’s more to a relationship than sex, but I feel shut out.
It feels like she only wants me around so someone can do the housework, cook and pay the bills.
I feel rejected and lonely and don’t know how things will ever get better.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Being in a relationship with someone who has chronic and severe depression is not easy, and you shouldn’t feel bad that it’s too much sometimes.
Depression is known to affect libido, as are some medications prescribed for it.
Talk to your partner. Make it clear how much you love her and want to help her, but also want to improve your relationship.
It might also be possible for her GP to change her medication and refer her for counselling.
See my support pack on Depression for more information and sources of help.
