Excessive use of platforms such as Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram
has been linked to mental health issues including anxiety, depression, loneliness and low self-esteem. Social media’s perfectionistic nature can create unrealistic expectations and fuel
fear of missing out, or “FOMO”.
As a counsellor, I once supported a 17-year-old client, M, whose parents noticed worrying changes in her behaviour. M’s increased social media usage preceded irritability, emotional outbursts, withdrawal from social activities and a decline
in her self-image. Despite her parents’ efforts to engage and communicate, M’s struggles with social media caught them off guard.
I have noticed a troubling rise in similar cases among teenagers. As a parent, I am concerned about the impact social media will inevitably have on my 7-year-old son in the years to come.
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Do you run your social media profile, or is it shaping you?
Do you run your social media profile, or is it shaping you?
Last year, US Surgeon General Dr Vivek Murthy
issued an advisory on social media and youth mental health, acknowledging the potential risks associated with content exposure and
excessive or problematic use of social media. The advisory outlined comprehensive measures involving various stakeholders to ensure a safer and healthier online experience for children.
While the advisory provides valuable information, it could overwhelm busy parents who are seeking practical ways to support their children with limited family time. If we want our children, especially teenagers, to view us as valuable resources for their personal concerns, we need to understand them and foster trust in the parent-child relationship.
Parents must be a role model and demonstrate what
healthy social media usage looks like. Are parents prepared to do that? Some parents rely on social media as their primary form of entertainment and relaxation. These parents could find it uncomfortable engaging in a “do as I say, not as I do” conversation about healthier social media habits with their digital-savvy teens.
I have also found myself distracted by social media at times. I catch myself
doomscrolling, especially on long commutes, and self-monitoring can be difficult.
Finding a balance between providing parental guidance and trusting our teens’ judgment on social media can be challenging. To achieve this, it’s crucial to develop a deep understanding of our children, how they engage with social media and
the needs social media satisfies within them.
In my experience supporting teens and families with social media risks, I have found that imposing heavy-handed restrictions or enforcing rigid
rules around social media is not an effective long-term strategy to promote safer online behaviour. The most significant action parents can take is to have regular conversations with their teens.
Some parents might protest and say, “But my kids are at an age where they never want to tell me anything any more.” It’s time for parents to reframe their mindset about the purpose of conversations with their children. The goal is not to ensure compliance but rather to understand their needs and how social media fulfils those needs.
The reality is that social media is here to stay. For our children to grow into critical thinkers in this digital age, parents must step out of their comfort zone and initiate conversations about their children’s identities both online and offline. It is also crucial to regularly check in with our children as their needs evolve with time.
As parents in this digital age, it is our responsibility to understand the appeal that social media holds for our children and recognise the risks it poses to each child. This understanding allows us as parents to determine the best ways to support our children’s exploration as they continue to develop their sense of self.
Yvette Lau is an experienced mental-health counsellor and former teacher currently based in Hong Kong. For questions or feedback, contact [email protected]