I’m a single mum, I’ve got no idea who my baby’s dad is, I don’t even know his name but there’s no shame in it

STACY Thomson watched as the second pink line materialised on her pregnancy test.

It’s a moment that every parent cherishes but rather than celebrating with her baby’s dad, Stacy’s mum was the first person she shared the news with.

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But Stacy isn’t separated from her baby’s dad nor is she a widow, in fact she doesn’t even know the name of the father.

This is because the nurse is among the growing number of women who aren’t prepared to wait for Mr Right, instead opting to become a single parent by choice.

In the UK alone the number of single mothers conceiving through IVF rose to 1,290 in 2017 compared to just 351 ten years earlier.

And although it might seem like a radical concept to some, Stacy, 44, argues it is far from it.

Rise of solo mums

The mum-of-one who lives in St Albans, Herts, with her son Milo, two, told Fabulous: “I think there’s a misconception that going solo is a huge rarity, but I have found the opposite.

“The minute I realised I was going to do this alone was when I realised just how many others had done the same before me.

“The sheer volume of Facebook groups alone just proves how many women are considering this as an option.

“It’s not just people my age either - some women are in their 30s who aren’t prepared to wait.”

And for Stacy her patience ran out at the age of 40 when, after years of bad dates she realised it was now or never.

“I had always joked that when I got to 40 I would just have a child on my own,” she says.

“I found dating hard, negotiating the ‘kids’ chat in your 30s is always a landmine so I stopped dating and took away that chance to have a child naturally.

“I think I always believed I would be a mum but I never had a really strong desire to be one and then all of a sudden it felt like I didn't have that option.

“I always said I would never flog a dead horse but it got to the stage in my life where I wanted to at least have the option to have a go rather than have no choice at all.”

Expensive decision

Currently, in the UK eligibility for NHS funded IVF does not typically favour single women.

As with same-sex couples, single women are required to have self-funded between six and 12 rounds of intrauterine insemination (IUI) before being offered NHS treatment.

Even if she did have a partner Stacey would not qualify for support due to her age.

This meant that Stacy was forced to self-fund her treatment.

While the cost of IVF varies from clinic to clinic a single round can cost up to £5,000.

With this in mind Stacy widened her net.

“I chose to go abroad to a clinic in Greece,” she says.

“I didn’t qualify for any kind of NHS funding and it worked out ridiculously cheaper abroad but that wasn’t the only reason.

“I was also more comfortable with the fact that abroad seemed to have a far less medicated approach than the UK.

“I did speak to a few clinics over here but I immediately found the approach far too clinical for me and IVF is a clinical process as it is so I wanted some humanity behind it.

“My clinic felt very caring too - they weren’t charging me every time I spoke to a consultant, it felt like they were there for me rather than my money.”

After having blood tests in June of 2020 and AMH tests in July, Stacy found her clinic the same month.

“The following month I went back for my first round of IVF which resulted in pregnancy, I was incredibly lucky that was my only IVF cycle,” she says.

“Because my baby came so quickly I never had time to change my mind.”

Naturally, Stacy was thrilled to be expecting but before she was even pregnant the full impact of becoming a single parent hit.

Stark reality

“When I was being put to sleep during my first cycle I remember shedding a tear, there was a certain grieving process I went through,” she says.

“It was a realisation of what I was doing and there was nothing romantic about it. There’s nothing lovely or sweet or amazing - it’s like a trip to the dentist.

“Pregnancy alone wasn’t so much scary as it was weird. It was odd not to be sharing these momentous moments with someone.

“I would go to scans and appointments alone and there wasn’t that person to get excited with or to take care of you.”

Stacey welcomed Milo in August 2021.

“My mum was at the birth with me but it was a very different experience than having a partner there,” she says.

I remember shedding a tear, there was a certain grieving process I went through

Stacy Thomson

“I had a planned C-section and that was like another trip to the dentist. I sat there in a waiting room with my suitcase before walking myself into the theatre.

“My mum stayed with me for the five weeks after he was born and after that, like any other mum, I just got on with it. You just put one foot in front of the other.

“The old adage is correct - it does take a village but believe me no village turns up.”

Mourning the loss of a co parent that never was seems to be a common theme among single mothers.

According to Today a whopping 81 per cent of unmarried mums still agree that marriage is a sacred institution and that children are better off with two parents.

“I absolutely wish that I had a partner at my side throughout this,” Stacy admits.

“I grieve the absence of a second parent every Father’s Day, I long for them when I’m on holiday and see dads helping out at lunch or teaching the kids how to swim.

“It makes you acutely aware of your own loneliness.

“You always picture yourself having a happy ending and that isn’t necessarily going to be going through IVF on your own.

“Solo IVF isn’t for the faint of heart - it was very lonely and loneliness is something that certainly plays a part in my life.

“I think that’s why I waited so long, because I was trying to give myself the best shot at a happy ending as possible.

"But while being a single parent might not be my ideal I think that it is better than being with the wrong partner.

"I look at other couples and some of them have it far worse than I do."

But Stacy hasn’t given up on happy endings, far from it.

In 2022 she launched her own match-making dating app, Reddi, and she now hopes to connect with someone herself on there.

“I think helping single parents find a partner would do a world of good for them,” she says.

“It’s what people really really want.

“Becoming a parent alone is a last resort for most people like me but it doesn’t mean you can’t have the whole package, perhaps the baby just comes first.

“Often there’s this idea that there must be something wrong with you if you’re having to have a child on your own.

“But that’s far from the case and I don’t want my son growing up thinking he’s any less because he only has me.

“Arguably I wanted him more than any parent - I was prepared to pay!”

I deliberately became a single mum and paid thousands to do it - but I have major regrets

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