DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my marriage hit the rocks I did what any normal woman would do – I confided in my best friend. Little did I know she was having sex with my husband all the time.
I am 41 and my husband is 43. We have been married for 15 years, most of it happily.
Then a year ago, he seemed to change. I thought that perhaps he was depressed or going through some kind of midlife crisis.
My friend, who is divorced and 40, listened to my concerns and offered her support without giving a hint that they had just started sneaking off for afternoon sex.
I only discovered the truth when I had an emergency dentist appointment after a tooth broke.
I rushed into town and on my way to the surgery, I spotted my husband and best friend sitting in the window of a restaurant eating pizza together.
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I realised in an instant what was going on and was nearly sick there and then.
I tackled my husband when he returned home. He admitted it straight away and told me their affair had been going on for 11 months. He was very apologetic and ended it immediately. No matter how many times I ask, he cannot explain why their affair started.
My husband simply says she was a fun person to be around.
He has promised me that I am the one he wants to be with.
We are trying to make it work and he’s making a big effort but my head is not in a good place?
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DEIDRE SAYS: The two people you counted on the most have betrayed you.
After such a devastating discovery, it’s no wonder your confidence in your husband has been destroyed.
Be honest with him and explain how you feel – that your trust in him has been seriously eroded.
With the right support, it’s possible to make it past an affair but you will both have to pull together and work out what’s been going wrong.
My support pack Cheating, Can You Get Over It? will help.
He says your best friend was fun to be with, which suggests you had perhaps started to drift apart.
Professional relationship counselling would help too, and you can source this through tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1975).