My relationship is perfect, except for one thing

DEAR DEIDRE: Everything is great in my relationship apart from one thing: My boyfriend’s sex drive is much lower than mine.

His libido is so tiny we only had sex five times last year.

I’m 28 and he’s 29, so we should be at it like rabbits. We’ve been a couple for five years and have lived together for two.

At the start, we had a normal amount of passion. I assumed his sex drive matched mine. But over the years, it’s become less and less frequent, especially since we moved in together.

If I don’t initiate physical intimacy, it just never happens. I feel frustrated and worry I’m pressuring him.

I’ve tried talking to him about it. He says he just doesn’t feel like having sex very often – it’s not a priority to him – and he’s frequently tired or not in the mood.

He agreed to schedule sex, so at least we do it sometimes. But once a week is not enough.

It’s not about affection – I get plenty of that. He loves cuddling and kissing and he is kind and considerate. I know he loves me and fancies me and isn’t having an affair.

I want him to find me irresistible and take me to bed spontaneously.
What can I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: It’s common for one partner in a couple to have a higher sex drive than the other. And it does tend to ebb and flow over time, depending on life events.

Many things can lower libido, from tiredness and routine to medical or psychological issues. My support pack Sex Drives explains more.

If there are no medical or emotional issues, simply that his drive is lower than yours, then the way to deal with this is compromise.

You need to accept you might not have sex as often as you would like, and he needs to make an effort to take the initiative more.

Be honest with him.

Make it clear you love him and want more intimacy, rather than criticising him for not initiating sex.