How do I break up with my boyfriend when he’s just lost his dad?

DEAR DEIDRE: I WANT out of my miserable relationship but how can I dump my boyfriend when he’s just lost his dad?

Although I feel trapped and know I need to leave, it seems cruel to end things now.

I’m 42 and he's 45. We’ve been together for three years but we’ve never had sex!

Every time we try, he can’t get an erection. I’ve been so patient, but he refuses to go to the doctor to get help.

He thinks cuddling and kissing is enough, but I have a normal sex drive and need a full relationship. 

He’s kind and loving, however I don’t just want a best friend - I want a lover. 

I’ve been dropping subtle hints over the past couple of months, not making time to see him, saying he can’t stay over because I have plans early the next day.

But just as I was summoning up the courage to end it, his dad died.

Now he’s crying to me every night. I’d be heartless not to stay.

DEIDRE SAYS: You shouldn’t feel obliged to stay in a relationship you’re not happy in. 

Yes, the timing is unfortunate. Perhaps you could continue to distance yourself romantically, while supporting him as a friend, until he’s over the initial shock and grief.

My support pack, Solving Erection Problems, should help you.

If you’ve never had sex, it’s likely his erection issues are longstanding and predate your relationship.

It’s important he sees his GP to rule out underlying medical issues.