I feel betrayed after my boyfriend intimate took photos of me
DEAR DEIDRE: Against my better judgement, I let my boyfriend take pictures and videos of us having sex because I believed our relationship was really special.
But now I’ve found out he’s done it in previous relationships with other women, and I feel used and betrayed. I’m finding it impossible to forgive him.
I’m 27 and he’s 33. We’ve been together for a year, and I thought he was ‘the one’.
He asked if he could film us during sex for months. I was nervous about it - I really need to trust someone to allow myself to be filmed so intimately.
I asked him if he’d done it before and he said no.
So I let him take naughty pictures and videos, which he promised never to share, and that he’d delete.
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But when I was flicking through the photos on his phone, I found some of an ex - totally naked.
I was so hurt.
He said he’d forgotten they were there and hadn’t told me because he didn’t want to upset me.
I’m no prude and I know he’s had previous relationships, as have I.
I’m upset that he lied to me and that he’d kept the pictures. I can only think he lied because he thought I’d say no otherwise.
It’s made me question whether anything he’s told me is true, and I now doubt his feelings for me.
He apologised and I made him delete our footage in front of me.
But I can’t stop thinking about it. I really do love him and, in all other ways, he’s the perfect boyfriend.
How can I get over this?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your sense of betrayal is valid. Whatever his reasons - and he may well have been trying to protect you as he says - he did lie.
He also kept pictures of his ex, making you feel you couldn’t trust him to delete your pictures.
If you want to get your relationship back on track you need to talk to him honestly about why this has upset you so much.
Read my support pack, Standing up For Yourself, for advice on how to do this effectively, without making him defensive.
READ MORE SUN STORIES
Trust is vital in a relationship. Rebuilding it will take time.
My support pack, Looking after Your Relationship should help.