I can’t feel aroused now my husbands put on weight

DEAR DEIDRE: Since my husband put on weight, I no longer feel any spontaneous sexual attraction towards him.

When we do have sex, I’m ashamed to admit I now favour doggy style as I don’t get turned on if I’m facing him.

I’ve told him it’s become my favourite position, but I’m worried he’ll realise the true reason.

I’m 34 and he’s 38. We’ve been married for six years. He was made redundant a few years ago, and since then he’s been far less active and has put on about three stone.

Our sex life was fine before, but since he got so heavy I can only get turned on with lots of foreplay – and if I keep my eyes closed.

I no longer look at him and feel instant attraction and desire, like he does. I know he’s self-conscious about his weight gain, and the last thing I want is to make him feel worse.

And he is making an effort to lose it with diet and exercise. This isn’t about fat-shaming him – I don’t have a problem with bigger people or think they look bad.

But I simply can’t get aroused by him any more.

DEIDRE SAYS: You’re not a bad person. You fancied your husband more when he was slimmer, and you can’t tell your body how to respond.

It’s possible that part of your reason for feeling less aroused is that you’ve been together for several years.

Spontaneous sexual arousal is often dulled by time and familiarity and naturally turns into responsive arousal where we need more stimulation to get the same reaction.

My support pack Saving Your Sex Life can help.

The fact your husband lost his job will no doubt have affected his confidence. He may be feeling less attractive as a result, which you are in turn picking up on.

If things don’t improve, think about couples counselling. See tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960) for more information.