I’d love my wife to turn off the telly and focus on me
DEAR DEIDRE: When the alarm goes off at six am, my wife is up and out of bed and watching television downstairs. I think it’s her way of avoiding sex with me.
We’ve been together for 25 years. We are both 53. Every night we both say, “I love you” as we have a goodnight kiss but sex is very definitely off the cards.
Sometimes she’ll let me feel her breasts but that’s as close as I get.
I try to make her feel good.
I tell her that she looks beautiful, or her hair looks nice, or that I like her clothes.
She just shrugs at me as if she doesn’t care if I love her or not. If she told me she’d met somebody else, I could move on but there are no signs of that and every night she says she loves me.
She’s a nurse so she’s often tired after a long shift but she does have some time off.
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We had sex about six months ago but she was wearing a nightie and I imagine she thought, “jump on, then jump off when it’s over”. Then she got out of bed.
I’m a hot-blooded guy who still wants to have sex regularly. What can I do to win her round because I just don’t know?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: As she’s 53, you’ll probably find that the menopause has had an effect on her libido.
Find a quiet moment to tell her that you miss the intimacy you once enjoyed and ask how you could help her feel more in the mood.
Could you suggest date nights out or you cook her a meal while she has a bath?
If the menopause is affecting her, encourage her to see her GP about this.
My support pack called Couples Massage is full of ideas which may help to reignite her desire once more.