My husband has caused me pain in more ways than one
DEAR DEIDRE: Discovering that my husband cheated on me was painful enough - now it turns out he’s given me an STD too.
He didn’t even have the decency to admit it. He lied to me for months, and now I’m not sure that I will ever be able to trust him again.
I’m 38, he’s 42 and we’ve been married for ten years. We have two young daughters together and I’m seven months pregnant with our third.
A couple of months ago I felt a shift in him. While I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, I could tell something was wrong. He’d become distant, moody, and cold.
Then he started finding excuses to leave the house, and would stay out later and later.
I tried my best to push it to the back of my mind but I knew deep down that he was cheating on me.
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When I asked him outright he denied it, and told me I was being completely ridiculous - that he could never do that to me.
I chose to let it go, but when I started experiencing a burning sensation every time I went to the toilet, I knew something was wrong.
Then I tested positive for chlamydia, and there was no denying it.
He insisted that he’d only not told me out of fear I’d leave and take the kids away from him.
His mother left his dad, so I know he is sensitive about this.
But if that’s the case, why would he put us in this position in the first place?
I feel so betrayed.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your husband not only cheated, he also put your health at risk - when you’re pregnant.
No wonder you feel so hurt and betrayed.
It’s fortunate that you had symptoms of chlamydia, so discovered the truth, and could get it treated.
Until the infection has cleared up, refrain from having any form of sex - and then, make sure you use protection.
If your relationship has any chance of surviving this, you need to work on rebuilding trust.
Your husband needs to deal with the issues from his past and prove he can be faithful.
It’s important that you both talk openly and honestly about your feelings.
My support packs Cheating, Can You Get Over It? and Looking After Your Relationship will help.
Consider couples counselling.
You can find support through Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, tel: 020 7380 1960).