Football is a performances business. It’s no longer acceptable to take four points from your first two games at a major tournament; not if you’re England, not if you play as drowsily as they did against Serbia and Denmark. Tonight in Cologne they need two things against Slovenia: a result – imagine the reaction if they play poorly and lose – and a performance that registers at least 8.0 on the Guardian’s exclusive Itscominghomeometer™.
Since the Denmark game there has been a surrfeit of hot air, navel-gazing and fantasy XIs that look persuasive on paper but surely wouldn’t work on the pitch because he hasn’t played in that position for his club since 2020, and one of the last times he did so for England they lost 4-0 at home to Hungary, so it’ll be nice to have some actual football to break up the news cycle.
The word is that Gareth Southgate will make only one change to the team that played Denmark, with Conor Gallagher replacing Trent Alexander-Arnold in midfield. That will increase the intensity of England’s pressing, which many identified as the biggest problem in the first two games. But it won’t address the lack of pace in attack, unless Gareth has decided to stick two fingers up at the lot of us by starting with a front two of Gallagher and Kyle Walker.
It’s easy to forget, this being an English newspaper and all, that this is an even bigger game for Slovenia. Unlike England, they have the chance to make history. They were denied their first win at the European Championship by Luka Jovic’s 95th-minute equaliser on Thursday, but they are still right in contention to reach the knockout stage of a major tournament for the first time. A draw tonight would do the job, though a narrow defeat might also be enough depending on net run-rate in Group F.
Performances be damned, Fun Boy Three are talking gibberish. In Slovenia tonight, football is nothing but a results business.
Kick off 8pm.