I know my husband is cheating on me again after seeing blood in his urine
DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband and I had two affairs each, and made a pact to sort out our differences – but now a nasty surprise has given his game away and I know he is cheating again.
I’m 45, he’s 47, we have two teenage sons and have always been fiery.
Before we got married I discovered he was two-timing me.
Instead of confronting him, I decided I’d treat him with the same disrespect and started my own fling.
When the truth came out, we realised we wanted to be together and things were great for a while so we got married.
But over the years that intense attraction we felt towards each other dwindled to the point where I was feeling particularly unloved and unwanted.
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It was so easy to slip into a second affair.
This time I left my husband as I was so fed up with his indifference. But I started to miss him so much that I moved back four months later.
I was then devastated by rumour he was sleeping with a woman who was a regular at our local pub.
When I confronted him, he admitted she had “kept him company” while I was gone and he’d found it hard breaking the habit.
Amazingly, we both still wanted to keep battling for our marriage.
But now I’ve seen blood in his urine and know he must have an STI and still be sleeping with her.
I’ve demanded the truth but, after insisting he hasn’t even spoken to her, he’s refusing to talk to me.
He won’t go to the GP or have sex with me, and I feel again that I’m being pushed away.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Until you break this cycle of turning to others when your relationship is on the down, you will remain stuck.
Communication is key and that doesn’t only mean talking openly to one another, it also requires listening.
Start by asking your husband how he is. Has he stopped talking because you’re not listening, and vice versa?
He may be telling the truth.
Some STI symptoms don’t develop for months or years and any blood in his urine could be caused by a urinary infection or another serious health issue.
My support packs Cheating – Can You Get Over It? And Relationship MOT will help you both.
And impress upon your husband how important it is he visits the doctor for treatment.