I earned £100k but my wild spending left me £60k in debt – my man went white when he found out
CHARLOTTE Mather, 44, works as a hypnocoach and lives in Nottinghamshire with husband Jason, 44, who works in IT for the NHS, and kids Erin, 19, and Alex, 18.
Here, she reveals how her ADHD spending habit left me £60k in debt - and how she got out of her the mess.
I met my husband Jason at secondary school. At 16 we started dating, and at 18, when I had an admin job and Jason was doing an electrician apprenticeship, we rented our first place together. I was in charge of the money from the start.
Jason had no interest in splashing out, but I didn’t think twice about using credit cards, extending my overdraft for nights out, or getting store cards to buy clothes.
We got engaged in 1998, and by 2002 I realised we were £15,000 in debt. It was a huge shock, especially for Jason, but he was supportive.
Using a debt management programme – which allowed us to pay it back without accruing more debt – was hard.
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We spent just £2,000 on our 2004 wedding, and when Erin was born in 2005, followed by Alex in 2006, we bought everything second-hand. Finally, by 2007, we were debt-free.
Within months I had spent £7,000 on my Next card – and the debts kept growing.
Charlotte Mather
Then, in 2008 we bought a £175,000 house, and I couldn’t stop shopping – beds, sofas, appliances.
Within months I had spent £7,000 on my Next card – and the debts kept growing. All my bad habits were back and, like before, Jason thought everything was fine.
I jumped from job to job, ending up in financial services in 2016, earning £100,000. I could have used that salary to become debt-free, but instead I kept spending.
I hated my job, and shopping became my escape and my way to keep up with colleagues.
I couldn’t go on holiday without having another one booked – cruises, trips to the Caribbean, France, Tunisia… It felt like the only way to keep the buzz going and avoid the emotional crash.
I’d always wanted to run my own business and, around my day job, I tried ecommerce and eyebrow tattooing.
They cost me money and got me nowhere. By 2017, I was even more miserable and my debt was snowballing. I told myself that because I was meeting the £800 monthly minimum repayments, it was fine.
By winter 2017, I knew my spending was out of control, and I went to the Mind, Body, Spirit Festival thinking maybe I’d find something to make me feel happier there.
I was angry, defensive and resentful
That’s where I saw a stand about hypnotherapy. I was fascinated by the mystical side of it, but also the science behind it. It felt like a lightbulb going off.
I discovered that for £2,000 I could train to be a hypnotherapist. But I knew I needed to face my debts first.
How to cut the cost of your debt
IF you're in large amounts of debt it can be really worrying. Here are some tips from Citizens Advice on how you can take action.
Check your bank balance on a regular basis - knowing your spending patterns is the first step to managing your money
Work out your budget - by writing down your income and taking away your essential bills such as food and transport
If you have money left over, plan in advance what else you’ll spend or save. If you don’t, look at ways to cut your costs
Pay off more than the minimum - If you’ve got credit card debts aim to pay off more than the minimum amount on your credit card each month to bring down your bill quicker
Pay your most expensive credit card sooner - If you have more than one credit card and can’t pay them off in full each month, prioritise the most expensive card (the one with the highest interest rate)
Prioritise your debts - If you’ve got several debts and you can’t afford to pay them all it’s important to prioritise them
Your rent, mortgage, council tax and energy bills should be paid first because the consequences can be more serious if you don't pay
Get advice - If you’re struggling to pay your debts month after month it’s important you get advice as soon as possible, before they build up even further
Groups like Citizens Advice and National Debtline can help you prioritise and negotiate with your creditors to offer you more affordable repayment plans
Adding up the £60,000 from credit cards, store cards, loans and overdrafts was sickening.
When I told Jason, he went white then demanded to know how it had happened.
At first, I was angry, defensive and resentful – especially when he took control of our finances and made me account for all my spending – but deep down I knew it was necessary.
I’d created this mess. For the first time ever, I made a food budget, did my own hair, bought clothes from eBay and paid off at least £2,000 of my debt each month.
I stayed in my £100,000 job while I trained in hypnotherapy in my free time. Then, in August 2020, I was finally able to pay off my debt – and hand my notice in, so I could start my new career.
It was the best feeling, but I was still constantly wrestling with the urge to spend.
I joined the Mad About Money app for neurodiverse people, and if I’m tempted to spend, I log on for judgment-free support.
Charlotte Mather
In 2022, Alex was assessed for ADHD and I had to fill in a form about myself. I recognised so many traits, so had my own assessment, which was positive.
Suddenly, my wild spending made sense. Some people with ADHD drink, do drugs or turn to sex. For me, it was shopping.
Charlotte's tip for tackling debt
- Buy second hand designer items on Vinted and eBay, you'll be surprised how much you can save.
- Use money apps like emma-app.com to keep yourself accountable for your spending.
- Put all utility bills on a direct debit to come out on payday, then you know how much you're left with.
- Every 12 weeks adjust your budget and stick to the new one religiously.
- For luxury holidays, join private travel clubs such as Voyage Privé who offer flash sales at a fraction of the normal cost.
- Put disposable income into a seperate account and once it's gone, it's gone.
My compulsion to shop didn’t disappear, but knowing I had ADHD helped. I joined the Mad About Money app for neurodiverse people, and if I’m tempted to spend, I log on for judgment-free support.
Jason and I have a great relationship after I regained his trust by being honest and keeping my word. I’ve been debt-free since 2020 – and I’m determined to stay that way.”
Follow Charlotte on Facebook @Charlotte.mather.35.
Almost 1 in 100 girls have ADHD, but only half as many girls as boys are diagnosed.*
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Women are 14% more likely to become insolvent than men are.**
Sources: *Adhdcentre.co.uk **Financielle.co.uk