My husband blamed me for his new escort habit and then walked out on his family
DEAR DEIDRE: I THOUGHT I was married to a hard-working family man, but then I discovered his high-end escort habit – and it changed everything.
I first sensed all was not well when he was working away and our youngest started to run a high fever.
He said he’d be on his own in his hotel room but didn’t pick up any of my multiple calls.
I am 37 and my now-ex is 39. We were together for eight years and have two children, five and three.
When he returned I asked him what happened.
His answer that he was tired and had gone to sleep early didn’t add up.
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In the following days he became physically and emotionally distant.
I was totally shut out and couldn’t work out why, so I checked his phone.
There were several messages detailing meeting arrangements — all when he was “working away”.
He even bought one escort expensive jewellery and handbags.
When I tearfully confronted him he blamed me, saying I didn’t look after the house, or myself, well enough.
With two small kids, I was a stay-at-home mum.
Although we had a joint account, I was only allowed to buy things for the house or kids.
If I needed anything for me, I had to ask, which I hated doing as he invariably said I didn’t need it.
Despite his restrictions I thought I was well-presented.
He told me he lost interest in me because I didn’t make an effort. I am so hurt and feel betrayed.
He has now left us and is renting a swanky flat. No doubt he’s still seeing these beautiful women.
I’ve wasted my 30s on him and I’m really struggling to move on.
DEIDRE SAYS: What you describe is a horribly abusive relationship and while it will take you time to build up your confidence again, you are far better off without this controlling man.
If he thought there were problems in your relationship, he should have talked to you, not gone behind your back.
His treatment was emotionally and financially abusive.
By blaming you he was trying to deflect attention from his bad behaviour.
None of this is your fault. Please don’t think you’ve wasted your 30s.
You have two lovely children who need you and you can rebuild your life and be happy again.
My support packs on Abuse and Mending A Broken Heart will help you.