My girlfriend is perfect but I cannot stand her children
DEAR DEIDRE: I THINK my girlfriend is perfect but I can’t stand her children.
I’m 43 and finally met someone online.
We get on like a house on fire but her two children, aged 15 and six, are an absolute nightmare.
The older one, her son, doesn’t respect her and often talks back to her or goads her. It’s awful to witness.
My partner also suffers from mobility issues and they refuse to help her, ignoring any chores they’re given.
To make matters worse, her daughter constantly seeks attention.
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If she doesn’t get her way on having treats while we are out or, being allowed to watch her TV shows, she’ll throw the nastiest of tantrums.
My partner mostly sits on her phone and ignores what’s going on, which makes me feel really awkward – I never know where to put myself.
I was raised with discipline and rules. My parents were very strict but it’s made a huge positive impact on my life.
This sounds bad but I’m in the relationship for her, not her children.
I feel bitter and angry all the time I’m around them.
If I’m honest, our relationship is going downhill and my girlfriend has started to ignore me also.
What should I do going forward? Should I also ignore the children and not let it get to me as I love my girlfriend?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You don’t mention their father so if your girlfriend is bringing them up alone that will be hard work.
It sounds like she is withdrawing from the reality and challenges of life by distracting herself with her phone.
Her youngest is only six and it sounds as if she is desperately trying to get her mum’s attention.
Your girlfriend sounds low. Talk to her and ask how you can help.
Does she want you to be more of a male role model, perhaps?
This could help but you need to agree on the boundaries between you.
You could suggest doing an activity with her children, where you all leave phones at home. This will help all your relationships.
Before you go down that route, think carefully about whether you can properly commit to her family as well as her.
Your girlfriend and her children come as a package.
Her daughter is likely to be at home for at least the next ten years. Can you handle that?
My support pack on Stepfamily Issues may help you.