I’m about to cheat on my partner for the seventh time — I’ll enjoy the short-lived thrill
DEAR DEIDRE: I’M about to cheat on my partner for the seventh time.
I’ll have a bit of fun and enjoy the thrill for a short time, before I drop this latest fling. It’s a pattern I’ve got into.
I’m not married but have been with this woman for six years.
I have grown-up kids from an earlier relationship.
Married life feels too much — and I can’t ever say I’ve been in love.
I’m a man of 52 and a manager for a recruitment agency.
An administrator recently came in to register with us.
She’s 45 and divorced.
I fancied her from the moment I saw her.
She’s just landed a job through us so I suggested taking her for a drink to celebrate.
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I know I’ll be able to get her into bed.
She’s flirted with me outrageously but doesn’t interest me in the long term.
I do not want a relationship, just the sex.
But why do I treat people like that?
My partner is wonderful.
I care for her but I don’t know that I love her.
She has two teenage girls, so the house is cramped.
We used to argue a lot when we both drank.
We’re now both teetotal and get along better.
But if I want sex, I always have to ask for it.
There’s little kissing or cuddling.
My upbringing was miserable.
My parents worked abroad so I was packed off to stay with relatives.
In the holidays, I had to go to live with my grandfather, who wasn’t a nice man.
I was abused by his neighbour when I was 12.
Has my childhood had something to do with the way I treat people?
READ MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: I am certain it has.
Having parents at a distance means you missed out on feeling nurtured and loved.
Children learn how to love from their parents.
Since then, you have tried to gain attention and these brief flings give you just that.
But the thrill is short-lived.
Do not jeopardise your otherwise good relationship for dead-end, no-strings sex with someone.
What you are seeking, you may already have.
Get counselling to learn more about yourself, and to value yourself.
You will then feel capable of loving and being loved.
My support packs Can’t Be Faithful? and Abused As A Child explain more and will show you where to find that emotional support.