My wife won’t talk about our sexless marriage so I want to give her an ultimatum
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER 15 years in a sexless marriage, I’m at the point of giving my wife an ultimatum: Counselling or divorce.
She refuses to talk about our lack of intimacy, and I feel lonely and miserable.
We’ve been married for 25 years. I’m 55 and she’s 56.
Our children are in their 20s and have left home.
When we stopped having sex, I thought it was just a phase.
But she says she no longer wants to make love, so I should stop asking.
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I’ve tried talking to her about it, but she just shuts down the conversation.
I don’t want to live the rest of my life celibate, so I suggested seeing a counsellor.
I said she could choose who.
She says that won’t change anything.
I’ve decided that if she doesn’t agree to counselling by the end of this year, I’m going to serve her with divorce papers.
READ MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: The problem with ultimatums is that you have to be sure you’re happy to make good on them.
It sounds like you don’t really want a divorce.
What you want is an intimate relationship with your wife.
Before threatening divorce, try talking again and saying just how unhappy you are.
Explain you want affection and intimacy and ask if there’s something she’s not saying. Perhaps menopause has destroyed her libido.
If nothing changes, talk to a counsellor alone. My support pack about this explains more.