A sweet birthday card changed everything
DEAR DEIDRE: Two years after she cheated, having sex with one of my friends, my ex got back in touch, and I’m feeling so confused.
She sent me a birthday card with a sweet message and it brought back all my old feelings.
I’m 32 and she’s 31. We were in a relationship for three years.
During that time, she cheated on me more than once. She could be really unpleasant, putting me down one minute and telling me how much she loved me the next.
I was a mess, always doubting myself and worrying.
It’s hard to explain why she had such a hold over me. But when she was nice, she was lovely - kind and generous.
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And our sex life was very passionate - especially after an argument.
She made me feel nobody could ever love me the way she did.
But eventually, when I found out she was seeing yet another man behind my back - and one of my good friends at that but wasn’t even apologetic - I got the strength to end the relationship.
After that, she cut me off entirely.
It took me a long time to start getting over her. I haven’t had another relationship since.
On my birthday last month, I received a beautiful card from her saying she was thinking about me and still loved me.
As I opened it and recognised the handwriting straight away and my heart started pounding. I felt sick.
I haven’t been able to sleep properly since. I keep thinking about her, remembering our time together.
Part of me thinks getting back in touch is a bad idea, but the other part craves seeing her again.
I know she’s in a relationship with someone else.
What should I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Getting back in touch with this woman would be a very bad idea.
You know she’s in a relationship and nothing in her behaviour suggests she’s changed.
Sending you a loving message after two years of silence is manipulative.
It’s likely she’s feeling bored, or has fallen out with her boyfriend, so don't become her convenient distraction.
Block her on social media and your phone and throw away the card.
Although you’ve moved on a little, you’re still dealing with the effects of being in a toxic relationship with her.
My support pack on Building Self-Esteem and on Addictive Love will help.
Talking to a counsellor would help you to get over this relationship and understand why you still have feelings for this woman.