My mother-in-law is obsessed with dogs and wants daily phone calls about them
DEAR DEIDRE: MY mother-in-law’s obsession with dogs is so infuriating.
She doesn’t want to talk or listen to news on any other subject.
And she has absolutely no interest in me, my wife, our children or grandchildren.
My wife and I are both in our fifties and have been together for 30 years. My mother-in-law is 70.
Apart from this issue, she is a perfectly pleasant person and we’ve never had a cross word.
But I have to admit I am fed up with the daily dog chat.
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We live 70 miles away from her, so my wife telephones her mum between three and six times a day.
I’m expected to speak to my mother-in-law during every call and take an active interest in her dogs.
She has two Labradors, one Jack Russell and one Alsatian.
If I don’t participate in these daily conversations, my wife sees it as some sort of betrayal.
My mother-in-law also lives on her own, and my wife will often say she is lonely.
Her obsession has increased over the past ten years and reached an all-time low.
When my daughter had a baby, we had to force my mother-in-law to visit, and she hasn’t shown an interest in visiting since.
However, when my daughter’s dog had puppies, she was over every night to see them.
She even left our wedding early and hasn’t attended a family event in more than ten years for the same reason.
Her obsession has even affected her health, when she refused to go to the hospital for a serious condition because she doesn’t trust anyone to look after the dogs.
She isn’t suffering from dementia or any other disorder. My mother-in-law is fit and healthy.
How can I wriggle out of these daily calls?
DEIDRE SAYS: You have done very well to cope with three to six phone calls with your mother-in-law every day.
The time has come for an honest conversation with your wife.
Even one call a day would be too much for most sons-in-law, so do suggest a reduction which would be healthier for all of you.
I have attached my support pack on Standing Up For Yourself, which may help.
During your chat you will need to establish healthy boundaries, which would work for both you and your wife.