I can’t forgive husband for cosying up to stripper while I was pregnant
DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband is an outrageous flirt – but cosying up to a stripper because he was “bored of my pregnancy” is a new low.
He reckons it was just “dirty talk” but he’s got such a roving eye, that I doubt he was telling me the truth.
I’m 38 and my husband’s 39. We have been married for 12 years and have two kids — a newborn and a three-year-old.
I know my husband talks to other women on Instagram.
He must think I’m stupid because he uses his business page which doesn’t have any mention of me. He’s forgotten that I have the login details for that account.
Mostly he just likes pictures of half-naked women or leaves lewd comments but sometimes he strikes up conversations.
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He is a landscape gardener and I work part-time in a primary school.
Although he’s constantly chatting up other women I have always turned a blind eye to it, hoping there was nothing more to it.
But an anonymous message made it impossible for me to ignore his behaviour.
It read: “Ask your husband about his private dances.”
He looked shocked when I showed him the text.
He tried to deny it but eventually caved in and admitted he not only visited a strip club, but later met a dancer in a bar.
He told me he’d had a saucy chat but that he didn’t touch her. He then blamed how “lame” our home life was — saying I was “always tired, cranky and heavily pregnant”.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Discovering he visited this club secretly is hurtful but the real sting comes from the fact you were pregnant and at your most vulnerable.
He thought he could get away with dishonest conversations on social media and took it to the next level in real life.
Whether something physical happened or not, it is clear he has a selfish outlook.
Rather than help you when you were pregnant, he decided to distract and distance himself.
It’s time to put your foot down. Tell him flirting with other women, in real life or on social media, is a form of cheating and you won’t tolerate it.
Ask what’s going on for him, what is he missing from your relationship and tell him what you need.
If he doesn’t appreciate what he’s risking, you’ll need to decide whether it’s possible to rebuild the trust in your relationship.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help.