I’m worried my husband is having sex with his former student
DEAR DEIDRE: I’m deeply concerned that my teacher husband is having an inappropriate relationship with a former student.
They snapchat and he’s planning to meet her soon and I’m paranoid something sexual will happen.
Although the girl is now 18, he taught her when she was 13 and always took a special interest in her problems.
I’m 45 and my husband is 46.
The girl has left school, and he doesn’t teach at that school anymore either.
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But she found him on social media and reconnected. Since then, they’ve been chatting almost daily.
My husband hasn’t hidden the fact they’re in touch. He says that, just as he helped her deal with the fallout of her parents’ divorce as a child, he’s now helping her with other personal issues and university applications.
I’ve read the messages, and he’s not lying about the content.
He sees himself as her counsellor and mentor - a friendly uncle figure - but I don’t feel comfortable about it.
I’m worried he may get into trouble as she was a student. But I’m even more worried that there’s something going on between them - or that it will soon be.
She’s a very good looking girl and I’m sure he’s flattered that she is so enamoured by him.
I’ve told him my concerns and he’s said I’m being ridiculous.
However, she’s been sending him photos - just snaps of her face - and he’s always smiling to himself when he reads her messages.
Am I overreacting?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You may have nothing to fear personally - it does sound like he is being honest about his intentions - but you are right to be concerned.
Even though your husband is teaching at a different school and the girl is now an adult, he could still be jeopardising his career.
He needs to be aware of how this might look to his employer, especially as he was once in a position of authority over her.
He’s a lot older, and it could be seen as grooming.
While there’s nothing wrong with a friendship between people with a large age gap, there is a power imbalance here.
Talk to him again and explain this. Suggest he cuts back on contact and implore him not to meet her.
You could talk in confidence to the NSPCC (nspcc.org.uk, tel: 0808 800 50000) about this issue.