My wife says she has gone off sex but gives me hope with flirty touches
DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife is giving me mixed signals about our sex life and it’s doing my head in.
We’re in our thirties and have been together for more than ten years.
Since our first child was born a year ago, our sex life has been non-existent.
The only time she is anywhere near receptive to being intimate is after she has had a couple of drinks.
Then one night as we went to bed she told me that she has gone off sex completely.
But at odd times she will sometimes touch me in a sexual manner, stroking my bum or inner thigh, and will even hint that she is feeling horny.
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Whenever I respond, she changes her mind. She has wound me up and confused me so much that I’ve told her to stop touching me intimately.
It feels like she is teasing me. I’m so cross that I’ve started sleeping in the spare room, which has only made matters worse.
I can’t help but wonder if she’s sleeping with someone else or if she is keeping something secret from me.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Looking after a young child can be extremely stressful and puts many relationships under pressure.
But it is unrealistic of your partner to expect you to accept there will be no more sex in your relationship.
By making initial moves, it seems that on one level she does want to get intimate, but something changes her mind when you respond.
It’s possible she could be having an affair, but it’s more likely she has post-pregnancy mental health or body confidence issues, or could you be responding in a way that she finds unattractive, or a turn-off?
Try talking to her again, when you are away from the bedroom, and say you are worried and want to get closer again.
Explain you are both missing out on a lot of pleasure and intimacy.
This will also hopefully allow you to find out how she is feeling and if something is bothering her.
You should both read my support pack on Sex After A Baby.
It would also be worth considering sex and relationship therapy to help you regain the intimacy you once enjoyed.
Cosrt.org.uk can help you find a reputable counsellor.