I am trapped in sexless marriage with cruel and demeaning husband

DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER years of being called fat and ugly, I am desperate to divorce my husband.

But he’s refusing to leave our flat because we have a joint tenancy.

We’ve been married for ten years and have a son aged nine. I’m 39 and he’s 45.

Throughout our marriage, he’s put me down, looked at other women in front of me – telling me how much more attractive they are than me – and criticised my weight.

Our sex life is non-existent and has been for years.

He seemed to go off it as soon as I got pregnant.

He says the reason we don’t have sex is because I’m too fat and unattractive.

But I was only a size 12 when he started saying it.

Now I’m a size 18 because I comfort-eat. My confidence is at rock bottom.

I suspect he may have cheated on me several times, although I have no proof.

There is nothing good in our marriage. When I told him I wanted a divorce, he laughed.

He said nobody else would want me and I’d never have the guts to go through with it.

I would move out with our son, but I can’t afford to.

None of my friends or family could offer more than a sofa.

Please help. I feel so trapped in this sexless marriage.

DEIDRE SAYS: He thinks he can control you by destroying your self-esteem and making you feel unworthy of love or sex.

But he’s the inadequate one and cannot stop you from leaving him or getting a divorce. This environment is not healthy for your son either.

Tenancy issues can be overcome. You need good legal advice.

See my support pack, Thinking Of Divorce, and contact rightsofwomen.org.uk, a family law advice service.

My support pack, Raising Self-esteem would also be helpful for you to read.