I’m a parenting expert & mums treat their sons like DOGS and it’s limiting them, I hear these key mistakes all the time
A PARENTING expert has revealed that she believes parents of boys treat them like "dogs".
Former BBC producer Ruth Whippman said that parents should see their sons as "complex emotional creatures" instead of like pets who just need food and water to survive.
The journalist, who is from the UK but now lives in California, has written a new book, called BoyMum, which advises parents on how to raise boys in the era of toxic masculinity.
'Boy mum' is a term often used in a derogatory manner, against mothers who appear as though they favour their sons over their daughters.
Ruth recently made an appearance on BBC Woman's Hour to share the common mistakes parents make when raising boys.
She said that leaning into stereotypes such as "boys can't sit still" and "boys don't like reading" can be damaging towards them in the future.
The mum-of-three added that her research for the book has also helped to change the way she raises her own sons.
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Discussing the book with host Nuala McGovern, Ruth explained that parents are now often more progressive when raising girls than they are with boys.
She said: "We talk about girls in this really expansive, inspirational way, so it's like: 'You can be anything, you're strong, you're tough, you're brave, break those stereotypes'".
However, she added that parents of boys often simplify their needs.
She explained: "We tend to talk about boys in these quite essentialising ways.
"So I hear a lot of: 'Boys are like dogs. All they need is exercise and food and just wear them out'".
Ruth explained that there is a "grain of truth" to this statement, but added that it is "very limiting".
She revealed that recent research shows that parents project masculine qualities onto boys from babyhood, for example wrestling with them, and handling them more roughly than girls.
As an example she said that if a boy cries, they are seen as "angry rather than sad whereas they see their daughters as being in distress."
Ruth urged parents to rethink how they raise their sons.
I'm a mum of 2 boys and no, I don't treat them like dogs
Fabulous Digital Editor and mum-of-two Lydia Major shared why she disagrees with Ruth's statement.
Lydia Major said: "I have two boys, 7 and 3. One LOVES football, getting muddy and hates reading. The other likes horses, unicorns, wearing beads and loves a snuggle and a book. Do I treat the active one like a ‘dog’ and another like a ‘girl’, no. Because every kid is different. So is every parent.
"Do I listen to them when they are sad or angry and spend time with them to help them understand their emotions and tell them it’s normal to cry and it’s normal to feel angry? Yes! And so does my husband, who, shock horror, is a man and is not toxic. They do exist, Mrs Whippman!
Her suggestion that boys need ‘more parenting’ and that it’s inevitable they’re going to grow up as a ‘toxic man’, I totally disagree with.
I think when boys, just like girls, are surrounded by inspiring, well-rounded role models there’s no reason for sweeping statements like ‘the whole conversation around boys is toxic from all sides.’ We’re kicking them before they’re even down and it’s just going to make the gender divide even worse.
"In fact, as a mum of boys I find it downright damaging. I went to an all-girls school until I was 16, and my career has been in a 90% female environment since I was 21 - trust me, women can be just as ‘toxic’.
Also, hands up if you’re a girl (like me) and still kicked, bit, wrestled with your dad and sister and also needed ‘putting outside to burn off energy’ like a ‘dog’. Yes, they exist!
How about we try to treat boys, just like we’d treat girls - inspire them, support them, let them dream, let them cry, let them wrestle but most importantly love them."
She said: "I think what boys really need is a lot more emotional nurture, and talking about their feelings - parents need to see boys as fully complex, emotional creatures and really try to nurture that side of them."
In her book, the journalist reveals that she believes changing the way we parent boys is "one of society’s most urgent cultural projects".
It also looks into how young men are more susceptible to become radicalised than young women.
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Explaining how she chose the book's title, Ruth said: "It captures this tension, there's conflict built into it, the idea that a woman gives birth to a child who's fundamentally unlike herself - it packs quite a lot of different sexist tropes into one little word."
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