My younger lover has relit my fire
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER years of feeling miserable in my marriage, I’ve started a passionate affair with a younger man.
At first, it was only about the sex, but over time we’ve grown to really care for each other.
I don’t want to hurt my husband, but I can’t stop thinking about starting a new life with my lover.
I’m 53, my husband is 55 and we've been married for 27 years.
Over time things have grown stale between us. We never do anything romantic together anymore and I can’t even remember the last time we had sex.
At this point, I feel as if I live with a friend.
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So when a charming 40-year-old man took a shine to me in our cycling club I became wrapped up in the attention.
It wasn’t long before our constant flirting turned into something more and he asked me on a date. From that moment things have been a whirlwind.
We started sneaking around every chance we got and the more time we spent together the closer we became.
He’s everything my husband is not - caring, loving and romantic.
Now I’ve fallen head over heels and want nothing more than to build a future together.
He says he understands my situation and will give me all the time I need but I feel so guilty about the idea of leaving my husband.
While the love between us has faded, I know it will break his heart and I can’t bear the idea of him being all alone.
I’m so stuck. What should I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: While things have grown stale in your marriage, try to remember you’re in the heady, early days of romance with your lover.
For now the mundane reality of what this new relationship would resemble in the long term isn’t even on the horizon.
Tell your lover you need to end your affair to work out your next steps.
Speak to your husband honestly, and tell him you have been unhappy in your marriage.
You’ve been married for nearly three decades, so even if you do decide to walk, this will be no easy feat and I’d definitely recommend counselling so you can work things through with dignity.
Leave because you are unhappy, not because you have a lover by your side.
I often hear from people who have torn their life apart and then discovered life with their lover hasn’t measured up.
My support pack Torn Between Two Men will help.