My husband is a serial cheater and I want to leave him but fear divorce will cost me my children – I feel so trapped

DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband is a serial cheat and I’m ready to leave him, but I’m worried it’ll cost me my children.

I’ve tried my best to move on and let it go but, no matter how hard I try, I’m miserable.

I know I can’t stay with him but I feel so stuck.

I’m 38, my husband is 42, and we’ve been together for nine years. We have a three-year-old daughter and a five-year-old son.

We met when I was working a summer abroad in Canada. We fell in love quickly and I never moved back home.

Our relationship felt like a dream, but when we had our kids, things started to shift.

I could tell he was becoming gradually more distant and over time our intimacy came to a complete halt.

I tried to ignore it but then one day I caught him in a string of lies, and he admitted to an affair.

We attempted to work through it and even went to counselling but it was clear to me he didn’t want to fix things when I caught him cheating again and visiting strip clubs.

I’ve tried my best to make peace with his betrayals but I’ll never trust him again.

It’s only a matter of time before he does something else to hurt me but I’m worried my entire life will implode if I ask for a divorce.

I feel vulnerable as a foreigner and as our children are Canadian citizens. I’m stressed about what will happen if I decide to leave and come home to Britain. I feel so trapped.

DEIDRE SAYS: You’ve tried to do the right thing by working on it with your husband but he’s completely disregarded your feelings by continuing to cheat with other women.

While normally rebuilding trust is possible with time and effort, by the sounds of it, he has no interest in fixing things.

You have tried to work on things after his cheating without success and now it seems walking away would be for the best.

If you stay for the sake of your kids, they will grow up in an unsettled and unhappy home environment.

Instead of thinking about big decisions, focus on taking things step by step. Please make sure you get good legal, financial and emotional advice to ensure any split leaves you and your children in a stable position.

My support pack, Ending A Relationship, should help you.

TERRIFIED FOR MY GIRL’S SAFETY AFTER I QUIT POLICE

DEAR DEIDRE: SINCE leaving my job as a detective, I’ve been petrified of my daughter growing up and not being able to protect her from the bad people in this world.

Everything I’ve witnessed has had a huge impact on me and I know no matter what I do to shield her, I’ll never be able to fully trust she’ll be safe.

I’m 35 and my daughter just turned two. I worked as a detective constable for five years and specialised in domestic abuse and violence against women and girls.

Over the years I dealt with horrific cases and the things I witnessed have never left me.

When my wife got pregnant, I decided to leave my job but I still carry the weight of everything I saw with me every second of every day.

Now I wake up every morning worried sick about my daughter. My wife thinks I may have PTSD and a part of me wonders if she’s right.

DEIDRE SAYS: It’s completely normal to worry and feel protective of your child. However, these fears have been compounded because of the nature of the work you were doing.

If you think there’s a chance you may have PTSD, it’s important you seek out some support. I would urge you to talk to your GP.

You may also want to look at an organisation called Assist Trauma Care, which helps with PTSD (assisttraumacare.org.uk, 01788 551 919).

My Anxiety support pack has plenty of advice resources too.

HUBBY’S STOPPED WANTING ANY SEX

DEAR DEIDRE: BY constantly putting off sex, my husband makes me feel undesirable. Every night he wants to stop at just kissing and cuddling.

I’m 28, he’s 32 and we’ve been together for five years.

While we’ve never had a wild love life, we used to have sex at least three times a week and he often initiated it.

But over the years he’s become lazy, and sex has started to feel like a chore.

When we get into bed, he’ll cuddle me but then turns over and goes straight to sleep.

Whenever I try to initiate sex, he either makes an excuse and says we’ll do it tomorrow, or is so reluctant it takes at least 20 minutes for him to get into it.

It’s really getting to me. All I want is to feel desired by my husband, but I’m constantly let down. Sometimes I wonder if he’s even attracted to me any more.

DEIDRE SAYS: You need to find a time to sit down and work this out – preferably outside of the bedroom and certainly not in the lead-up to sex or after the act.

Tell him how much you love him, but that the lack of intimacy is making you feel undesirable.

He may have performance issues he is avoiding.

Sex and relationship counselling will help. Contact the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (cosrt.org.uk).

My support packs Saving Your Sex Life and Different Sex Drives will also help.

WHEN SHOULD I LET HER ONLINE?

DEAR DEIDRE: MY daughter starts secondary school later this year and is desperate to have social media, but I’m worried about how it will affect her.

The last thing I want to do is isolate her from her friends but I worry it’ll cause more harm than good.

She’s 11 and I’m her 39-year-old dad. Since she was young, I’ve always been adamant that I didn’t want her online or to have social media.

I wanted to give her the chance to be a proper kid and to not be held back by the constant comparisons online.

These days children grow up too quickly, and I didn’t want that to happen to her too.

I see kids addicted to their phones all the time, and I worry that social media will have a negative effect on her.

I also told her I’d consider it when she was old enough but now I’m starting to question if this is the right time.

I know all of her friends are online and she feels like she’s being left out but I’m concerned that if I let her, she will be exposed to harmful content.

What should I do?

DEIDRE SAYS: Knowing when to allow your children online is one of today’s biggest decisions and I too share your concerns.

There is plenty of research and information available proving how damaging social media is in the hands of young children.

When you do decide to give her a phone, sit down with her to agree on boundaries. Perhaps you can give her one hour a day after school and limit it. That way, you can control her usage and she can stay connected with her friends.

You can also set up parental controls to stop her from accessing harmful content.

My support pack, Staying Safe Online, will also help. You may also find it helpful to look at the information on nspcc.org.uk.