I look like a sweet ‘M&S shopper’ & love gardening – people have no idea I’m a secret sexomniac & my hubby loves it

BY day, Lauren Spencer looks like an ordinary 49-year-old woman who loves to shop at Marks and Spencer and enjoys leisurely lunches with her pals.

She seems like the type you’d find pottering in her garden come spring, making sure there’s enough food left out on the bird table.

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But at night, she’s a different woman entirely - and apart from her husband of 10 years Charlie, 52, nobody has a clue what goes on.

Lauren suffers from an astonishing condition called Sexsomnia; a sleep disorder which means she instigates sex - when she’s completely fast asleep. 

It’s rare - more common amongst men - and accounts for just seven percent of referrals to specialist sleep clinics in the UK.

Lauren says: “I do weird things in my sleep that I’m not even aware of - like initiating sex.

“My husband certainly doesn’t complain if I start getting naughty with him.

“I tend to initiate sex by snuggling up to Charlie or spooning and stroking him. 

“He, of course, leaps at the opportunity and sometimes things progress and we have sex.

“Sometimes I’ve woken up during ‘foreplay’ and it progresses to full sex but I’ve also done the full deed whilst fully asleep. Charlie knows that he has my full consent anyway and if we do have sex we both love it. 

“The strangest thing is that he says I often appear to be awake when I’m doing it but I don’t usually remember anything afterwards.”

I’ve always done some odd things in my sleep. It started when I was a child and I was prone to getting out of bed and sleep walking in the middle of the night"

Lauren

Sufferers like Lauren, a mum of two grown-up daughters, who experience sexsomnia tend to have a history of sleepwalking or other parasomnias, and it can run in the family.

Lauren, who lives near Exeter in Devon, says she has always been a light sleeper, and remembers sleepwalking as a child.

“I’ve always done some odd things in my sleep. It started when I was a child and I was prone to getting out of bed and sleep walking in the middle of the night,” she says. ONCE I DID X EXAMPLE

“But this wasn’t completely out of the blue as my father used to do strange things in his sleep too, and I saw him on many occasions punching the air as though he were fighting.

“If I had to go and wake him up, I would poke him with a broomstick first.”

Lauren, who started working as a model during the pandemic when the housekeeping business she runs with her husband was halted due to lockdown, says her sleep behaviour has never negatively affected her relationships. 

She met Charlie on a dating website in 2010. 

“My previous partners were aware of it too...They found it fun - especially because I’m not doing anything to injure myself"

It was a few months later when she first propositioned him in the middle of the night.

She recalls: “The first time it happened, Charlie assumed that I had been awake, and said to me the next day, ‘someone was feeling naughty last night!’, but I had no idea what he was talking about.

“At first he didn’t believe that I couldn't remember and he didn’t believe that I was actually asleep - he was dumbfounded when he finally realised that I had no recollection of it.

“My previous partners were aware of it too but they just felt the same as my husband - they found it fun - especially because I’m not doing anything to injure myself.

"On occasions, it did lead to sex with them too, and none of them stopped me - typical men, I suppose.

"I was on the pill, and they knew that anyway, so there was no risk of an unwanted pregnancy."

While most of her friends have no idea about her nocturnal habits, Lauren did confide in one. 

“I also make sure I double lock bedroom doors in hotels so I don’t wander out and end up trying to get into a stranger’s room"

Lauren

She says: “We were discussing sleep and my friend said that she’d never heard of anyone doing what I do.

“However, her husband did say, 'I wish my wife had this problem!’”

One of Lauren’s biggest fears is propositioning her friends and having no recollection the following day.

“If I’m away with them I take extra measures like using Nytol to help me sleep more deeply,” she explains. “I also make sure I double lock bedroom doors in hotels so I don’t wander out in the night.

“If a friend stays over I feel nervous."

And it isn’t just sexual behaviour which happens during the night for Lauren. 

She adds: “I’ve cleaned my bathroom basin in my sleep and had no recollection of it, but the spotless basin, rubber gloves and cleaning spray left me in no doubt what I’d been up to.

“I also sent a text message to my friend that made very little sense, something about a hat (I never wear one) and not being able to find it. 

“My sleep habits do feel quite personal. It's because it's out of my control - I'm not embarrassed that it happens but it makes me feel vulnerable because I can't control it.”

Lauren did visit her GP about her condition in 2021 as she was concerned she may have an underlying health issue.

She says the GP offered a referral to a sleep specialist but she hasn’t pursued it so far.

She says: “I was just worried in case there was something chemically wrong in my brain but they just said as long as you're not causing yourself or others any harm or undue embarrassment or stress, then don't worry. 

“I’ve never noticed any links between my emotions or when it happens. It just seems to be really random and there doesn't seem to be anything that triggers it either.

“I try not to worry too much about it, as bizarre and unusual as it all sounds."

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