My PMS was so bad I tried to kill my mum & burned down my family home TWICE but judge let me go free
WATCHING in horror as her family home burned to the ground, Nikki Owen had only one thought: “What have I done?”
The then 18-year-old had deliberately started a fire in the spare room while her mother Pam was downstairs in the kitchen.
This was just one in a series of terrifying episodes over four years that saw the teen try to harm herself as well as her family.
But Nikki wasn’t evil and was horrified by her bouts of unexplained violent behaviour.
The cause of her extreme outbursts didn’t come to light until 1978 when a expert in gynaecology discovered that Nikki’s episodes were because of her periods.
That year, Nikki made history by successfully using her battles with pre-menstrual syndrome (PMS) as a defence at the Old Bailey after being prosecuted for arson, endangering life and attempted murder.
Thanks to the landmark ruling and access to the right medical treatment, Nikki walked free and went on to live a normal life - even becoming a mother herself.
“I wonder how many women like me are in prison or institutions because they have been wrongly diagnosed,” says Nikki, who shared her story as part of Life Stories, The Sun’s YouTube series that sees ordinary people share their extraordinary experiences.
“Women who are being treated for being violent or being mentally imbalanced when they might just have something as simple to treat as PMS.”
Growing up in Bexley, Kent, with her mum Pam, dad Ed, sister Sally and brother Johnny, Nikki recalls her childhood as a “lovely, magical time” despite her being “teased for being shy”.
Dance classes and local modelling jobs helped boost Nikki’s confidence but then at the age of 14, not long after starting her period, she was hit with a bout of depression.
She recalls: “One evening I was home watching TV while my parents were out and my siblings were asleep.
“I suddenly felt this overwhelming depression for no reason. It was an overwhelming sense of doom and that was the moment everything changed.
“I was so shocked by the intensity of what I was feeling that I just ended up taking a load of tablets.”
At 3am, Nikki walked five miles to the local police station to tell them what she’d done.
She was rushed to the local hospital where she had her stomach pumped.
Over the next four years, Nikki attempted to take her own life multiple times.
“My parents were completely horrified, they couldn’t fathom what possessed me to do it,” Nikki says. “But I couldn’t tell them why, I had no idea.”
As Nikki grappled with her emotions she began binge eating, abusing alcohol and self-harming.
She says: “I'd always been very slim and I put on about five stone in weight over a period of three years, I just couldn't stop eating.
“I was drinking heavily and I was self-harming so I was looking less and less like the girl I had once been.
“I was feeling as if the real me, the good, kind, happy me, was being taken over by this evil monster. I started to really loathe who I was becoming.”
When she was 16, Nikki shaved her head and even cut all of eyelashes off.
“My dad just broke down in tears when he saw me and for years, he kept my hair in the loft,” she says.
“The whole family were petrified that I was going to do something dangerous and really damage myself badly.”
Desperate to get their daughter some help, Nikki’s parents spoke to doctors about her behaviour.
She was petrified as I cornered her. I could see the real fear in her eyes
Nikki Owen
Nikki says: “My mum was really insistent that there seemed to be a link between my periods and my mood swings.
“But doctors just dismissed this and said it's not relevant and I was passed on from psychiatrist to psychiatrist and was no closer to finding out what was wrong.”
With no support, Nikki’s behaviour became more extreme - during one heated conversation with her mum, she tried to attack her with a knife.
“Mum was going on at me and I found this really long, sharp kitchen knife and I started running after her and trying to stab her,” she says.
“She was petrified as I cornered her. I could see the real fear in her eyes.
“Luckily I didn't do anything to hurt her, I suddenly had a moment of absolute clarity when I’d realised what I was doing but I was so close to doing real harm.
“That was a horrible moment and I still feel all of that shame today.”
Nikki says she felt like Jekyll and Hyde, adding: “It felt like the evil Nicola was slowly taking over and was controlling the ability of the good Nicola to really come out and be more present.”
Then, on one fateful day in February 1978, while her parents were in London for her sister Sally's music lesson, Nikki attempted to burn down her house for the first time.
OTHER FAMOUS PMS DEFENCE CASES
Sandie Craddock
In 1981 Craddock was working as an East London bartender and in a fit of rage stabbed a co-worker through the heart.
The killing was the latest crime of Craddock’s 45 convictions including arson, assault and theft, though she argued she had no clear memory of committing them.
Her barrister successfully argued diminished responsibility as Craddock’s diaries proved these events occurred in line with when she was experiencing PMS leading to a manslaughter over a murder charge.
Christine English
In December 1980 English drove her car into her lover, crushing him to death. Her lawyer argued that she was experiencing 'an extremely aggravated form of premenstrual physical condition’ which she had been suffering from for 14 years.
The judge at Norwich Crown Court accepted the defence under ‘wholly exceptional circumstances’. The charge was reduced from murder to manslaughter.
Both women were supported by Dr. Katharina Dalton as a crucial defence witness at their trials.
She says: “I drank all of the alcohol I could find and I felt this overwhelming blackness coming over me.
“I looked at myself in my bedroom mirror with this massive bloated belly, no hair and I had no life in my eyes. I decided that was the moment I had to die.
“I took a box of matches and I set fire to the curtains in my bedroom, I laid down on my bed and I just waited.”
Fire horror
Nikki lay there as the flames crossed her carpet and blew the glass from her windows.
But then she heard the family’s border collie puppy Emma whimpering at the door.
Nikki recalls: “I realised that she would die if I didn’t get her out so I rushed out of my bedroom just as the floor collapsed down into the kitchen below.”
I was described as a maniacal psychopath, incurably insane and a danger to society
Nikki Owen
Fortunately, Nikki and Emma escaped but she was arrested shortly afterwards.
She says: “I was put in a tiny cell and put on 24-hour suicide watch.
“I only wanted to see my parents, they were devastated and had been left with nowhere to live.”
Nikki, then 17, was charged with arson and remanded to Holloway prison which has housed criminals such as child killers Myra Hindley and Maxine Carr.
She says: “It was terrifying and I was so shaken up by what I had done.
“I was in a cell with a drug smuggler and I couldn't sleep at all that night. I thought she was going to attack me.”
After two weeks on remand Nikki was sent to the Bexley asylum where she was heavily sedated and prevented from having any contact with her family.
Nikki’s case came to trial at the Old Bailey where she was given a two year suspended sentence on the grounds she continued with psychiatric treatment.
She recalls: “It was really depressing because I didn't feel the treatment was working as I was so heavily sedated.
"I was really scared.”
SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF SEVERE PMS
PMDD (PRemenstrual dysphoric disorder) is described as a more intense version of pre-menstrual syndrome.
According to the NHS, symptoms of the condition can include:
- feelings of hopelessness
- persistent sadness or depression, which can lead to suicidal thoughts
- extreme anger and anxiety
- decreased interest in usual activities
- sleeping much more or less than usual
- very low self-esteem
- extreme tension and irritability
According to the NHS, PMDD is only diagnosed when symptoms seriously affect relationships and stop women from functioning properly.
Many health experts recommend that women with PMDD should limit their intake of salt, caffeine, refined sugar and alcohol. Supplements such as calcium, vitamin B6, vitamin E and magnesium may also be recommended to help ease the symptoms of the condition.
Other forms of treatment include cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) - designed to help solve problems such as anxiety and depression.
Women with the condition are often prescribed selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRIs) antidepressants, that can be taken daily to combat depression and relieve tiredness, food cravings and sleep problems.
For more information and advice visit the NHS website.
In July that year, Nikki returned to her family home, moving into the spare bedroom while final renovations were done to her bedroom.
She says: “I was relieved to be home but the atmosphere was terrible, I became really secretive and stayed in my room a lot.
“Deep down, I knew that I was still experiencing all of these rages and this confusion as to why I'd become this evil, evil girl.”
Then, just a few weeks later, Nikki experienced another episode which nearly had catastrophic consequences.
She says: “I set fire to the home again. Only this time my mum was in the kitchen but I just fled to the local wood without telling her.”
Luckily, Pam smelled the smoke and called the fire brigade.
Behind bars
Nikki was rearrested and this time she was given no bail. She was charged with arson, endangering life and attempted murder and was sent back to Holloway prison.
Behind bars Nikki’s condition got worse.
She was so violent that she was put into solitary confinement - and was at risk of being sent to high-security psychiatric hospital Broadmoor.
She recalls: “I was dressed in a dress that was made out of indestructible material so that I couldn't hang myself.
“I was given one mattress and I wasn't allowed access to a toilet and I had a potty instead.
“My cell was kept in darkness and I was fed twice a day through a hatch in the door so there was no risk of me attacking the wardens.”
Remarkably, Nikki’s parents didn’t give up on their daughter and had eight of the country’s top psychiatrists assess her.
She says: “I was described as a maniacal psychopath, incurably insane and a danger to society with the recommendation that I go to Broadmoor.
“One doctor told my dad to focus on his two other children and accept that I would be institutionalised for the rest of my life.”
Her dad Ed spent hours in the local library reading medical journals trying to make sense of his daughter’s condition.
But it was a chance encounter with an old work colleague that gave her dad the breakthrough the family needed.
I owe my life and my second chance to live to my mum and dad, because they didn't ever give up on me
Nikki Owen
Nikki says: “He told her the story of what had happened to me and she said she’d just read an article in a woman's magazine called, ‘are your periods driving you mad?’
“She put it through the letterbox and when my parents read it, it stopped them cold.
“My mum had kept diaries of all my incidents and it lined up perfectly with when I’d be experiencing PMS.”
The article cited Dr. Katharina Dalton, an expert in PMS in the UK.
Pam and Ed drove to her Harley Street clinic in October that year to ask for help.
Dr Dalton agreed to visit Nikki in prison. She took blood tests and interviewed her, cross referencing her behaviour and moods with her mother’s diaries.
Life-saving diagnosis
Two weeks later, Dr Dalton diagnosed Nikki with suffering from a severe lack of progesterone and the result was severe PMS.
She recommended that Nikki come off sedatives and take a course of progesterone tablets.
Two weeks later, Nikki had improved so much that she came out of solitary confinement.
She says: “The psychiatrists who had previously assessed me described my transformation as a miracle.
“Now it was a race to convince my barrister that this was going to be my defence.”
Nikki’s barrister Mr Addezio was skeptical and explained that it was a ‘high risk’ defence and that she was facing up to 15 years in Holloway prison.
On 20th December 1978, Nikki’s case was heard at the Old Bailey.
She says: “I remember my barrister telling me to prepare for the worst, the possibility of a life sentence.
“But the judge said he was completely satisfied that I was suffering from severe premenstrual tension, a hormone imbalance.
“The case made legal history, it was unbelievable.”
Nikki was given a two year suspended sentence on the grounds that she continued to seek treatment with Dr Dalton and was back with her family in time for Christmas.
She recalls: “I remember Christmas just being just so beautiful.
“I felt really certain that the real me was back and the monster me had completely gone.
“My mum and dad didn't seem so on edge with me. They were just so pleased to have me back.”
But Nikki says she battled with the shame of her previous actions for years.
She says: “I suppose it took about 10 years to work on the emotional side of the trauma that I'd been through.
“Experiencing healing myself inspired me to help thousands of others heal using the techniques that had helped me through my own recovery and to learn how to love and accept themselves again.”
Nikki, who became a mum herself at the age of 34 to Rosie, now 30, says that it was her parent’s belief in her that got her where she is today.
“Mine is a story of unconditional love,” she says.
“I owe my life and my second chance to live to my mum and dad, because they didn't ever give up on me.”
To find out more about Nikki's work please visit her website.
