Video of my husband pulling down another woman’s bra strap still haunts me
DEAR DEIDRE: THE images of my husband kissing another woman and pulling down her bra strap still haunt me.
I found them in a film on his phone, which showed him with my friend. I have since taken him back but keep thinking about it.
My suspicions grew after he said he was going to his mate’s to watch football but didn’t return until the early hours.
As he climbed back into bed I pretended I was asleep but saw him messaging my friend on social media.
The next morning I confronted him and he stormed out without any explanation.
The following weeks were horrendous and he didn’t come home for three months.
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I have reason to believe he was still seeing my friend all that time.
I am 34 and my husband is 36. We have been together since we were teenagers and have two sons, aged ten and eight.
After my discovery, we began co-parenting — my husband staying with his parents.
I then began to heal and everyone encouraged me to start dating again but I wasn’t interested.
I’d honestly thought I’d spend my whole life with my husband.
Still, friends set me up on dates and when he found out he got jealous.
He promised he had stopped all contact with my friend and I let him move back home.
Our families are happy we are back together but I can’t go a day without reliving what I saw. The slightest thing triggers it.
I want so badly for our marriage to work but am dying inside.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: No wonder you are still reeling. You’ve been doubly betrayed.
You have taken your husband back but has he recognised the hurt he caused?
From what you have written, it seems you have both glossed over this devastating fracture in your relationship, hoping it will go away.
But the reality is, until you both sit down and discuss the damage, what was going wrong in your relationship and what needs to change, that wound will still fester.
In order to heal you will have to face the pain.
It doesn’t help that you saw images of their physical betrayal.
Try to make new memories or think of your own to help neutralise these memories.
Relationship counselling would help, so talk to tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960).