Mum admits she regrets having twins and says they’re needy and clingy and that she misses her old life
MUM Samantha Armitage is hit by a pang of guilt as she watches her carefree kids Elijah and Zendaya running around.
While she would do anything for her twins, she can’t help but feel their arrival marked the end of a life she once adored.
“I love them both, but I miss my old life so much,” the 34-year-old admits.
It is a sentiment shared by model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, who confessed having kids made her grieve for her former life.
Rosie, who is mum to Jack, six, and Isabella, 21 months, said: “There was a real shift in identity and a sort of mourning of the loss of your old life, and who you were.”
Samantha, whose twins are 19 months old, says she knows exactly how Rosie feels.
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“The twins are needy, clingy and still don’t sleep through the night,” she says.
“I’ve missed out on so much and it’s had a massive effect on my mental health.”
Samantha feels so strongly about the effect the children have had on her happiness, she is urging other women to think twice before bowing to pressure to have more kids, especially twins.
‘Stuck in house all day’
“If I had known when I was pregnant what I know now, I would have reconsidered going ahead with the pregnancy and been more careful with birth control,” says the mum of three.
Samantha found caring for her first child, son Kaleb, 12, from a previous relationship, a breeze.
But the twins’ arrival has knocked her and partner Ryan, 32, for six.
She got pregnant in 2021, shortly after going into hospital with Covid pneumonia.
Samantha, who is a twin herself, says: “I did want more kids, but I wasn’t in a rush as Ryan and I were not at that point of our relationship.
“Although we’d known each other most of our lives, we had only been together a few months.”
While considering whether to go through with the pregnancy, Samantha went for a scan, which revealed she was having twins.
She says: “I was brought up to think abortion is wrong.
“It did cross my mind, but when we went for the scan and I saw it was twins, I felt I couldn’t consider aborting two babies.
“Ryan felt the same way, so we went ahead.”
After a difficult pregnancy, she gave birth to Elijah, 2lb 7oz, and Zendaya, 3lb 1oz, nine weeks early at Stepping Hill Hospital, Stockport, in February last year.
But now Samantha, from Leeds, feels a shadow of her former self.
She says: “Having twins is a blessing, but it’s also double the stress, double the finances.
“I’ve spent all my savings on the twins because they need so many things.
“I had them in a nursery for a while but had to take them out due to the costs, and it’s double the exhaustion.
“Every day is like survival.
“I have to applaud myself for just cooking or doing some housework.
“Some days I batch cook so my family have healthy meals to eat on the inevitable days when I have a complete energy crash.
“I barely recognise myself.
“I grieve for my old life,” says Samantha, who used to run a careers coaching business.
“I miss my social life and being able to work, I miss my size-10 figure, I miss independence and freedom.
“After I had Kaleb I was a gym bunny and used to work out every day.
“But I haven’t lost my baby weight and worry what people will think of me.
“I was glam before, with acrylic nails and hair extensions.
“Now I barely have time to shower.”
Coping with one crying baby is draining enough, but with two, Samantha struggles to sleep.
“The twins wake up several times a night, but never at the same time,” she says.
“As soon as I sort one out, the other one wakes up.”
Daytimes are not much easier.
“I have to get Kaleb to school and then I’m stuck in the house all day looking after the twins,” says Samantha, who cannot work due to the cost of childcare.
“Going outside is difficult from a practical point of view.
“The double buggy doesn’t even fit in the car.”
Help is thin on the ground as Ryan, a specialist painter, works during the week.
Samantha says: “The sheer workload with twins has come as a massive shock to him and me.
“It’s put us under huge pressure as a couple and as a family.
“Ryan and I don’t argue but we just sit there on the sofa at night and there’s long silences as we are both so exhausted.
“Romance is on the back burner.
“I rarely see my mum.
“I wish I did see her more, as I miss her.
“I can’t ask friends to babysit as they have their own kids, and I have been diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, which is classified as a disability.
“I’m excessively fatigued and run down.
“It’s affected my identity and who I am.
“I don’t often leave the house now due to anxiety about what people think of the new me.
“I always had big dreams, but I’ve had to put myself and my goals on the back burner to be a full-time mum.”
To any woman considering extending her family, and having twins in particular, Samantha has sobering advice: “If you value your freedom, don’t do it — you’ll regret it later.”