I told my ex I didn’t want to get back together – now she won’t let me see my kids

DEAR DEIDRE: After falling back into bed with my ex, I told her I’d made a mistake and I didn’t want to get back together.

Now she’s fallen pregnant again and is punishing me by refusing to let me see my son. 

All I want is to be present in my kids' lives, but she’s making it impossible.

I’m 36 and she’s 34. We were with each other for five years and had one son together who is three. 

Throughout our relationship, she was controlling and manipulative. She rarely allowed me to go anywhere without checking on me or getting angry that I’d taken longer than she thought necessary. 

I tried for years to make things work but eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore and broke things off last year.

While she didn’t take the break up well, we managed to stay amicable for the sake of our son. 

Then one day I bumped into her in a bar. We were both rather drunk and one thing led to another and we ended up going home together. 

I knew instantly that I’d made a huge mistake, but it was clear that she thought that it meant more. 

Since then she’s been punishing me by refusing to let me see my son. 

To make matters worse she recently broke the news that she had fallen pregnant again and that there was no doubt about it being mine.

Despite all my efforts, she’s still refusing me any access and says I’ll never have anything to do with our unborn child either.

I’m at a loss for what to do. Please help.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your ex is selfish and is putting her desire for vengeance over the children’s welfare.

Regardless of her feelings for you, keeping them from you is cruel and unfair. 

Please contact Families Need Fathers (fnf.org.uk, 0300 0300 363) who can help and offer legal advice.

In the meantime, my support pack When Parents Fall Out explains more about kids’ feelings and needs in these situations.