My girlfriend isn’t interested in foreplay or oral sex and it’s so frustrating
DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend isn’t interested in foreplay or oral sex and it’s so frustrating.
We have been together for two years and I’m fed up of suggesting different things to the usual routine, only for her to always knock me back.
Our sex life is so predictable, I could do it in my sleep.
We only ever have sex one time, one place, one way – at home in bed on a Saturday night, with one bedside lamp on, and it’s strictly the missionary position.
And when we do get intimate she often hurries me up – telling me she “loves quickies” or is too tired for “a marathon session”.
She’s 26 and I’m 28. She sometimes teases me, making out that she’ll give me oral sex but doesn’t carry it through.
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It just leaves me wanting. She won’t even let me do it to her.
What can I do? I have tried to talk to her about this but her answer is always the same: “You had an orgasm, so what’s the problem?”
My ex wasn’t right for me but she was really adventurous in bed.
I can’t help but think of her sometimes when I’m in bed with my girlfriend.
The whole situation is really getting me down and I’ve even started to avoid sex altogether.
DEIDRE SAYS: Perhaps oral sex isn’t her thing. Pressurising her will put her off even more, but you can find alternatives.
If she doesn’t like foreplay, it sounds as if she hasn’t really explored her own sexuality, perhaps because of a rigid upbringing.
Maybe she was brought up to feel sex was a duty or something you only did to have babies.
Talk to her about wanting to enjoy intimacy with her. Kiss, caress and massage her to ignite her senses.
Encourage her to touch herself, find out what she likes and to show you too.
It would definitely be worth considering sex and relationship therapy, either alone or together to help bring you closer.
My support pack Sex Play Therapy will give you both plenty of ideas on how to break out of this monotonous routine.