Split with cheating ex led me to drink and drugs – now she’s got me back in her bed
DEAR DEIDRE: EVERY time I think I’m starting to get over my cheating ex, she draws me back in.
The pain of learning she’d been having sex with my boss, someone I previously respected, has driven me to drink and drugs and I know I can’t live without her.
I’m 30 and she’s 28. We were together for four years before she started sleeping with the owner of the hotel I managed.
One of my friends tipped me off that she was doing this, and when I confronted her she admitted it had been going on for more than a year.
I was devastated because I had truly thought she was “the one”.
She moved out, leaving me alone in our flat.
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The pain was so overwhelming that I started getting hammered to drown it out, or wasted on drugs.
Since we split, my ex has begged me for forgiveness and asked if we can try again.
At first, I resisted, but then I had a moment of weakness and invited her round to talk.
We both cried in each other’s arms and ended up sleeping together.
It was wonderful — until she left, and then all my feelings of anger and hurt flooded back.
That night, I drank myself unconscious. We’ve had sex twice again since, and are unofficially seeing each other.
My friends and family don’t know. I’m keeping it a secret, as they’d tell me to forget her.
All I want is for things to go back to the way they were. I know she loves me but she’s bad for me.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Breaking up with someone you deeply love is incredibly painful – a huge loss, similar to a bereavement.
You’ve been numbing the hurt by self-medicating with alcohol and drugs.
The problem is this doesn’t allow you to heal, it simply masks the real issues.
Now you have told yourself you are unable to resist your ex, even though you don’t trust her. This isn’t healthy either.
You feel you need her, despite the pain she’s caused.
In fact, you’re not even telling those close to you, as you know they won’t approve.
See my support pack, Addictive Love, about these types of relationships and how you can move on.
The best thing you can do is break off contact, at least until you are stronger.
Get support from your family and think about counselling.