My generation was told ‘nothing tastes as good as skinny feels’ – now cruel trick of nature is pushing us over the edge
IT was those famous words of Kate Moss that had women of the noughties in a self-loathing chokehold; "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels".
From Kate to Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan and the Olsen twins, these celebrities embodied the "skinny culture" that dominated at the time.
The British supermodel was part of a fashion industry that glorified "heroin chic" and from the late 1990s into the early 2000s, it was clear what the beauty standard was.
'Thin' was in - and Charlotte Lennard, 46, from London, remembers that time.
She grew up when a dress size zero was desirable – and those messages continue to torment her.
“I still have that skinny narrative in my mind, and it haunts me on a daily basis,” says Charlotte, who works in education.
“It’s been on my radar since my early teens, when I started comparing myself to others.
“The skinny culture left me feeling frazzled and like I was less than enough in so many ways. When people teased me about my weight, I thought I deserved their negative comments.
"I developed a binge eating disorder aged 12 and never truly got over it.”
Mum-of-two Charlotte “watched her weight” for as long as she can remember and had therapy as a teenager which helped.
But then, decades later, came perimenopause - which threw Charlotte back into old ways.
Like many women of Charlotte's generation, those old attitudes that hail being skinny have never truly budged, putting millions at risk of disordered eating.
Perimenopause and menopause, when hormones change significantly, has been identified as a period when women are more vulnerable to eating disorders, including anorexia and bulimia, because of the significant change in hormone levels.
“The idea that eating disorders only affect teenage girls is wrong,” says GP Dr Philippa Kaye, author of The Science Of Menopause.
“Women affected in midlife face added stigma, due to the fact people assume eating disorders are a younger woman’s issue.”
Research suggests 3.5% of women in midlife have an eating disorder,* and between April 2022 and March 2023, 15% of Beat’s support sessions were provided to people aged 41 to 65 years old.
Charlotte says tasks she normally found straightforward became "daunting".
“On top of this I was experiencing hot flashing and night sweats almost daily.
"When a doctor diagnosed me with perimenopause, it all made sense.
“But experiencing this perimenopausal body shift was a whole other level.
'STOMACH FLAB MADE ME FEEL AWFUL'
“The first thing I noticed was stubborn stomach flab I hadn’t had before.
"It made me feel awful.
"I hadn’t changed my diet, so it was hard to get my head around it.
“I tried everything - keto, paleo, Weight Watchers, Slimming World, overeaters anonymous, more cardio, less cardio, strength training, you name it! But nothing seemed to help.”
Binge eating disorder is described by the UK’s leading eating-disorder charity, Beat, as a serious mental illness, where people eat lots of food in one sitting, but feel out of control and distressed.
This can often be followed by severe restrictive eating or fasting.
Many of us grew up during the height of diet culture, where foods were almost demonised for their calorie or fat content.
Stefanie Daniels
“Binge-eating is something that helps me feel in control, but it’s truly horrible," says Charlotte.
"I’ve never wanted to tell anyone for fear of their reaction, as I knew that eating disorders were often clouded in shame.”
But after suffering in silence for a month, Charlotte decided to confide in her husband who, she says, was tremendously supportive.
“Eating disorders are inherently coping mechanisms,” explains Ruth Micallef, a mental health therapist at Eating Disorders Edinburgh.
“When we encounter trauma, we may revert to historic disordered eating behaviours.
"We can also develop an eating disorder at any point in our lives, as a means of coping.”
FIGHTING HORMONES
Weight gain is one of dozens of symptoms women might face in perimenopause or menopause.
“Lower levels of oestrogen change where you store fat in the body,” explains Dr Kaye.
"Women who typically put weight on their hips and their bottom might see more weight on their tummy, and find it more difficult to lose.”
Other symptoms may also lead to weight gain, such as poor sleep or mental health issues, while fluctuating hormones can increase cravings for high-sugar, high-carb foods, which makes managing eating habits that much harder.
“By engaging in restriction, bingeing or purging, we run the risk of exacerbating symptoms,” warns Ruth.
“The body is in a vulnerable state during this time, and needs even more care and nurturing than usual.”
SOCIAL MEDIA INFLUENCE
Charlotte’s problems were made worse by social media – something mirrored in teenage eating disorders.
“Social media causes me to compare myself to the unrealistic,” she says.
“All of a sudden ‘mushroom coffees’ started popping up on my social feeds, as well as ‘fasting to remove belly flab', which lead me into a shame spiral.
"I constantly wondered if I was doing the right thing to look a certain way and whether I was doing enough."
Almost half of women have learned about menopause on social media*.
Kate Roe-Ham, a personal trainer with 83,000 followers, says: “I do think that the amount of unsolicited advice and opinions can be triggering for people with a previous history of disordered eating.
“With advice on keto, fasting, low calorie and quick fixes, it may encourage people to try these ways, which can lead to food phobias and restrictions.”
Kate unexpectedly became a social media influencer in her 40s when she found weight training eased her perimenopause symptoms, turning it into a fitness business (Owning Your Menopause).
“Unwanted weight gain is very common at this time,” she says. “Sadly, I see an increase in women becoming worried about weight gain and those who may not have suffered in the past develop issues.”
'I DIDN'T FEEL ANYTHING WHEN BINGEING'
When Stefanie Daniels, from Bushey, Hertfordshire, noticed extra weight around her middle at the age of 37, her confidence took a nosedive.
She was experiencing one of the most common symptoms of menopause – weight gain.
Stefanie had gone into menopause much younger than the UK average age of 51, after having her ovaries removed to prevent ovarian cancer when she tested positive for the BRCA2 gene, which increases the risk.
“It wasn’t just physical changes,” recalls Stefanie, now 44.
“It was the mental exhaustion of fighting against my self-worth every day.
"My inner dialogue was so harsh and critical.
“Many of us grew up during the height of diet culture, where foods were almost demonised for their calorie or fat content."
Stefanie, now 44, headed into binge eating disorder, which she recognises in hindsigh.
In hindsight, Stefanie, from Bushey, Hertfordshire, recognises that she had undiagnosed binge eating disorder.
"I didn’t feel when I was binge eating,” Stefanie recalls.
“You want to eat - it doesn’t matter what it is.
"For me, though, food had to be dry, crunchy and sweet all at the same time. I didn’t feel the food going in until I was disgustingly full - that’s when I would feel.”
Slowly, guilt would wash over Stefanie and she’d start the restriction process again.
“Bingeing became a vicious cycle of feeling out of control, eating for comfort, and then spiralling into utter frustration,” she says.
Stefanie says she always had a “love-hate relationship with food,” but the menopause exacerbated it.
SAFE MEASURES
Healthy habits are undoubtedly helpful for managing menopause symptoms, but how can we use them safely?
“Exercise will help hot flushes, sweat, insomnia, fatigue and your mental health – and you can do that irrespective of your size,” says Dr Kaye, who encourages people to focus on getting strong, not thin.
“We need to separate fitness and exercise from weight loss.
"The menopause is a real opportunity to think about exercise as a means of protecting bone density, maintaining muscle mass, or simply keeping functioning and independent.”
Get on top of your other menopause symptoms first, she says.
“If you’re exhausted or comfort-eating because you have depression, let’s focus on fixing those things initially, and then the rest might change.”
Alongside lifestyle changes, HRT can help manage severe symptoms, but it alone won’t make you lose weight, says Dr Kaye.
For Charlotte, HRT was a game-changer, along with therapy and support from Overeaters Anonymous.
“I think hormones play a huge role in the anxiety connected to body image and food,” she says.
“I would say I have a handle on it now, but I can still be rigid around food.”
Stefanie, who founded wellbeing consultancy Life Begins at Menopause, also found biodentical HRT helpful.
“It allowed me to sleep better, think more clearly and to make better food choices,” she says.
But she admits that recovery is “not a simple, linear process”.
She adds: “Perimenopausal women receive such negativity for changes in their physical bodies.
"The best gift we can give ourselves – along with the example we set for our children – is to work on our own relationship with our bodies.”