Only way to stop my husband sexting other women is to treat him like a child
DEAR DEIDRE: THE only way to stop my husband sexting other women is to treat him like a child.
So far I have insisted he delete his social media accounts, hand over his phone whenever I ask and stop going out without me.
It’s ridiculous that I can’t trust him but he’s proven to me time and time again that he has a problem and as soon as my back is turned, he starts sexting or exchanging lewd videos with women.
The whole thing is so humiliating.
I am 38 and my husband is 41. We have been married for 15 years.
Over the last year I have lost track of the number of different women he’s sent naked images to.
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Most of these women have been complete strangers but I’ve also found explicit messages from local females.
If I explain how he makes me feel he makes empty promises but I am beginning to think he can’t actually stop.
He acts as if it is no big deal even when he has made me cry. I don’t want to give up on our relationship because other than this, he is a good man.
He hasn’t actually met any of these women, it is all conducted online but in my book this is still cheating.
I love him but I wish I knew why he feels the need to do this. I don’t know what to do.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You have neither agreed to, nor sanctioned your husband’s sexting, so his repeated conversations are absolutely a form of adultery.
I understand why you have stepped into the parent role in an attempt to curb his behaviour.
But this isn’t resolving the root issue and until that happens, he will keep finding a way to cheat.
Some men do it for the excitement without any intention of having a physical or emotional affair but he is completely disregarding your feelings.
Some repeatedly stray to distract themselves from other unresolved issues preying on their minds like anxiety, other addictions or grief.
For others it’s an escape from a controlling relationship.
Whatever the answer, he’s deluded if he expects you to ignore all this.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help you both. If he values your marriage he must seek help to change. Ask him to go with you to see a sex and relationship therapist.
COSRT (cosrt.org.uk) can help you find a reputable counsellor.