My sexless marriage is driving me to consider the unthinkable

DEAR DEIDRE: I haven’t had sex with my wife since she gave birth to our daughter 31 years ago. She told me once she had ‘gone off sex’ and that was the end of that.

She simply refused to discuss it any more.

I’m 61 and my wife’s 57. We’ve been married for 33 years. There is little point in trying to talk to her about the complete lack of intimacy. She is so stubborn. 

Now in my senior years, I really regret not having a full loving relationship and I’m feeling very unfulfilled.

Over the past few months I’ve signed up to lots of sex sites for people who want no-strings-sex and recently my inbox has been full with emails from strangers.

I get around 60 per day and a few days ago one message was from a gay man.

I’ve never had a gay experience but the messages have made me think that maybe it is something to consider.

Now I wonder whether I should try a heterosexual or gay cheating experience just once, to see if I enjoyed it?

Is this something I should seriously consider?

DEIDRE SAYS: A healthy sex life has huge mental health benefits and of course brings couples closer, so it’s entirely understandable that this has left you feeling frustrated. 

It’s completely unrealistic of your wife to expect the complete lack of intimacy and any explanation to be acceptable. 

Talk to your wife about how miserable this is making you to the point where you are considering cheating.

You’ve been together for so long and if your relationship is otherwise good, I would recommend sex and relationship therapy to help bring you both closer.

The College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists (cosrt.org.uk) can put you in touch with reputable counsellors.

Cheating with anyone, no matter what their gender, won’t solve your misery, in fact will worsen it.

So please don’t cheat, instead try to resolve this problem with your wife - one way or another - before meeting anyone else.

Read my support pack Different Sex Drives to help.